Chainkeen|College football Week 5 grades: Ole Miss RB doubles as thespian; cheerleader's ninja move

Week 5 in college football taught us one thing.

Nobody knows who is Chainkeenreally dominant, but we certainly know this week's pretenders (here’s looking at you fans in Oxford) and whose season is over already (any team with four losses) before the calendar turns to October and it starts getting dark at 4:30 p.m.

The same goes for grading from last season: High marks will only be given to the spectacular, and failing grades have no chance of being reversed.

Last week's top marks went to Colorado's miracle Hail Mary, and failing grades went to Missouri head coach Eli Drinkwitz, who needs a remedial course in clock management, and a Virginia Tech quarterback’s unfortunate safety.

The Week 5 analysis of how fans, teams, players, and coaches fared: 

Winners and losers:Alabama beats Georgia in a classic

NIL money can turn into a SAG card

This is just a wild guess, but I'm going to assume that most of the Ole Miss football team is making some decent coin by the fact they are talented enough to go to school and earn a scholarship and the collective (mentioned later) will take care of their every need. With dozens of television cameras at every game and thousands of cell phones, there is nothing a peering eye won't catch.

During Saturday's game against Kentucky, Rebels running back Matt Jones fell to the turf with an apparent injury in the direction of quarterback Jaxson Dart.

That immediately got ABC play-by-play broadcaster Sean McDonough going.

“Matt Jones, fortunately, survived to walk off the field,” McDonough said. “Just a blatant fake injury.”

And it's something you usually see on the defensive side of the ball. Rules analyst Matt Austin then explained there was nothing in the NCAA rulebook to prevent such acting.

“They ought to put something in the book when it’s that egregious,” McDonough said.

If Jones wants to head west to take his talents to Hollywood, the current national initiation fee rate for membership in the Screen Actors Guild is $3,000, with annual base dues costing $236.60. Pretty sure that NIL money, if he is getting any, can cover that easily.

3/4 of the way to an EGOT: F

Always trying to be first and clever

Pro-tip for social media managers: just stop.

I can't understand why people won't wait until the clock hits 0:00 before declaring a game over.

Don't hit send: F

They said it

UNLV thinks Matthew Sluka is The Godfather:

“UNLV Athletics interpreted these demands as a violation of the NCAA pay-for-play rules, as well as Nevada state law. UNLV does not engage in such activity, nor does it respond to implied threats," the school said after Sluka decided to exit stage left when he didn't get the money he alleges he was promised.

Last week, Auburn head coach Hugh Freeze complimented Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin on his handling of his program's name, image, and likeness.

“That’s nice of him. I’m sure he’ll try to steal Walker Jones like he did all our coaches," Kiffin said. Jones is the head of the Grove Collective, the school's NIL initiative.

The worst and best of the rest

Tackling optional:

Blue turf boogie: Reservations for New York

Even Sean Miller is impressed:

What is that, velvet? F

Trickeration, flea flickeration alert:

Cowboy flyin': A

Travis Hunter: Not "bland"

100 plays and runnin': Straight to the NFL

Cheerleader on player violence:

Crimson creamed: A

This week’s catches of the year:

No Stickum required: A+

The playmaker has a fit:

It ain't that serious: F and a nap is needed

Stats for you

0: the number of points Houston has scored in the past two weeks in losses to Cincinnati and Iowa State.

3: Losses to Alabama by Georgia in its last 48 games.

45: Victories by Georgia in its last 48 games.

4: Teams that have not trailed in a game (Tennessee, Army, Indiana, Texas).

8: Consecutive Big 12 home losses for Baylor.

$800,000: Payday Louisiana-Lafayette received for playing Wake Forest. The Ragin' Cajuns won 41-38.

The Dog of the Week

(If you want your dog featured, don't hesitate to send a pic here.)

For the first of three times this season, the pups have the week off but enjoy this beauty above.

Follow Scooby Axson on social media @ScoobAxson

(This story was updated to change a video.)